Sunday, September 27, 2009
I can't do something halfway, or some of the time. I have to either be all in, or out. It is hard for me to have so much of myself in everything all over my life. I have gotten better at dealing with this problem over the years. But, it can lead to me stopping some things where I pick others up. For example- I used to be huge into scrap booking. I did it every night. I was NEVER behind. I had all the photos in order, pages picked out and would very systematically work my way through. Then I had more kids, and I started doing plays again. Well, you can see how this would absorb the extra time scrap booking and because I couldn't sit down and be caught up every time I let it go. I just couldn't stand it.
I don't like to think of myself as a quitter, just a re-prioritizer. This seems to now be the case with my blog. For most people who have read my blog over the last year or longer I have been able to be pretty consistent, in writing as well as following people. I would update my blog and then read others blogs and comment. As the time has passed since I started I have now been attending school full time, my kids keep getting older and busier and I find I have less time to do what I want i.e. blog. And then there is coming up with one thing to say instead of catching up every single time. I feel like I am being dragged down to the bottom of the scrapbook pile and I will never catch up. Because of my OCD I have internal guilt about not catching everything up every time and not staying on top of it to begin with.
So I guess what I am saying is that I am sorry for being a crappy blogger. I don't know how to just do it sort of. I don't know how to just update maybe once a week and pick one thing to say. I am sorry for being so fickle, but I guess I will have to find a balance, not that I haven't been working on it. Thanks to all of you who do follow my sad, slow, blog. One day I will update with more than just the justification of why I don't write. In the meantime, thanks for continuing to blog yourselves, or share your lives on face book. I am always excited to see how everyone is doing.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
On Monday morning I got the girls up for school. Instead of bounding out of bed Adelle told me she was so tired and wanted to know if she had to go today. I informed her that yes she did, while I was sorry she was tired sadly that is not a good enough reason to miss school. So onto the bus she and Cora went. After school was out I was waiting at the bus stop. When Adelle and Cora exited the bus Adelle came running to my arms and immediately melted down into sobs. When I asked her what happened she just said she was tired and really missed me. So we went home, had a snack and cuddled and all was well with the world. Then, right before Adelle went to sleep she said "Mom, my teacher said that I should bring a picture of you to school with me so I can look at it when I miss you and feel sad." Okay, I thought that is doable. I sent Adelle with the two pictures above. I told her maybe she should put them in her folder so they won't get lost. She told me that was a bad idea because then the teacher would think they were for her and she would keep them and look at the pictures. Okay, I told her do what you want with them then. Today when she got off the bus she was happy and smiley. I asked her if the pictures helped her today. She said "No, I didn't even look at them." Well, that's that. I guess if at some point she gets sad the pictures are there. Otherwise I may need to be the one looking at pictures when I get lonely. I miss my little cuddle buddy, Adelle.
Friday, August 14, 2009
The kids started back to school on Wednesday. Elise is in 7th grade, Cora 3rd and Adelle Kindergarten. They were so excited, especially Adelle. When the bus arrived she ran on and yelled over her shoulder "bye Mom". So cute. I thought for sure I would be sad or cry but I am not. It is nice to have them all in school. I love our time together but it is good with me that they are growing up. That doesn't mean I don't have my break down and cry moments, like when Adelle lost her first tooth, but I feel really good about it. The weird thing is the quiet. I don't start back to school myself for another week. By eight in the morning everyone is gone and off to school and the only sounds in the house are my breathing and sometimes the air conditioner running. But it is a good quiet, a peaceful quiet. I love the noise I hear right now of my kids in the family room playing and talking, but I love the quiet too. I thought I would be bothered, but it is nice to just be still and hear my own thoughts. The buzzing in my head slows down and I can actually focus. I guess this means besides my kids I am growing up too. I am learning to be by myself as well as be with my family. Change is good and I am enjoying this new change in all our lives.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Our little girl lost her first tooth. She is our baby, at five years old. But this means that this will be the last first tooth in our little family, until grandkids that is. Once she realized that a fairy would be visiting her room to retrieve the tooth she could hardly contain her excitement. There was so much wonder about what the tooth fairy looks like, if she would take the tooth somewhere special and what she talks like etc... Not having met the tooth fairy personally I didn't have a lot of great answers. I have to say it is bitter sweet. A lot of last, firsts will happen when it comes to Adelle. Being the baby in the family, that is her lot in life. She will start kindergarten in a month yet another last, first. It does make me feel old and sentimental. I love the memories.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Since ShoeShine, our cat, was a baby Shae would do this song he made up:
Accordion Cat, Accordion Cat,
First he's fat
and then he's flat,
This makes us all just laugh so hard because while he does it he squeezes the cat in and out like and accordion, and shoeshine just sits there in his hands like it is no big deal. I know it looks like in the picture he may be yowling at Shae but he was actually just looking up at him.
One other silly thing, Adelle loves to dress him up in doll clothes. Cora was a little worried for the poor guy. But, Shoeshine didn't seem to have any problems with his dress, at least for a few minutes. I had to get a couple pictures of this too. Poor Shoeshine, thank goodness we got him when he was so little and he has grown up being handled by the kids. I am sure most cats would not put up with being put in a dress and used as and accordion.
Monday, June 22, 2009
I have gotten a little away from what I wanted to talk about in this post, that being parenting and life in general. After Shae thanked me for making him a father it got me thinking about something that I have pondered a great deal over the last 12 years and especially as this summer has started - What it means to be a parent. I know I don't have the answer for everyone but these few main points have really gotten me through over the last years.
First...we, parents and adults of this world, are trying our best to do what is best for the next generation. This means we all want the kids who will someday take over leadership and be parenting children of their own to be good, happy, and productive citizens in this world. How do we do this? Well, I have noticed that not one person does it the same way. There may be general rules we agree on like not playing with knives or around hot stoves, but the other stuff is up to each guardians discresion. But, and I mean a big BUT because we all do it differently it seems that some of us are harder on others, thinking we are better or know better what is best for someone elses children besides our own. In other words we judge. I am not standing out of the crowd here saying that I don't judge but I have a few examples I would like to share.
When Elise, my oldest daughter, was two we moved to California. We lived in an apartment complex full of young families. Elise at that age was what I felt like was a completely crazy child. She was never quiet and never held still and was into everything, unless she was sleeping and that wasn't even through the night at that age. I pause here to say, some of you reading this are now judging the fact that my two year old didn't sleep through night, but do you know if that would have worked for her not living in my house? Anyway, someone brought to my attention that if I would just do certain things differently Elise would be a lot better behaved. I didn't ask this person what they thought or if I should be doing something different as a parent she just starting telling me all the things she thought I was doing wrong as a mother and why. She only had one young child of her own as well and so I wasn't sure where she was getting all of her knowledge. Needless to say my feelings were hurt. I was really trying to do my best as a mother, especially because I hadn't ever done it before and someone telling me everything they thought I was doing wrong made me feel awful. I learned an important lesson early on. Do not judge what you don't understand and everyone parents differently, before you get into their lives make sure you try to fully understand what they are dealing with. This leads me to my second story on judging.
You would think that I had now after twelve years learned my lesson, keep my thoughts and opinions to myself. We all are doing the best we can to raise happy, good, productive little people. But, last summer I found myself doing exactly what I didn't want to do, judging someone I didn't know. I was waiting in line at the sandwich shop. I was about to place my order when a Mom walked in with two kids. She put one in a high chair and set the older at the table, but before coming to get in line she set up a portable DVD player with a movie going in front of the older child. I distinctly remember thinking "Geez, you can't even go out without have to bring along some mind numbing entertainment for your child." I know, super rude and judemental. At least I only thought it. On my drive home I remembered my previous experience and commitment to not judge other parents and then I felt horrible. I had no earthly idea why this woman had brought the DVD player, it was really none of my business. If that is what she needed to get through the day and having her kids out than why is it any concern of mine? It wasn't. I wished in my heart that I could go back now and get to know this woman. Let her know that I understand how hard being a Mom can be and see if there was anything I could do to help her. It is probably best to remember now that I keep that lesson I learned so long ago close to my heart, don't judge. Love others. Parenting is hard work and we are all in it together, right?
This brings me to my second point...it does take a village to raise a child. This may in some way seem to contradict my first point. I am not saying because we are all raising the children we can now be super critical of each other, no. I am saying that because we are all in this world together we should do what we can to help lift each other and all the children up to the highest point of goodness. We all come across children at many times in our lives. Some of us daily, because we live with them, and others less frequently, because we don't have children or ours have grown and gone. Regardless, children are around. We may come across them at the grocery store, or the movies, the swimming pool, or library. Even if we don't have direct interaction, our meer acts teach them and raise them, thus the village. Just by being kind to the grocery clerk or saying hello to someone you may not know teaches children to be kind. Yes, I have another example.
I was at the swimming pool. My children weren't with me at the time. A little girl was lost and crying. She came up to me in my chair and amidst her sobbing asked if I knew her mommy and could I help her find her. Did it matter to this little girl that I was wearing a specific kind of swim wear or that I might not look the same as everyone else? Not that I look much different but I am white and she wasn't. All she needed was some help from a kind grown up. We of course located her frantic mom. I understood how easy it is to lose a child that wanders off. I hoped that in my same situtation someone would be kind to me and let me know that they understood and were happy to reunite me with my little one. It takes a village.
Third...I want what is best for my children and so I do the best I can. I think every decisions I make through. The question I always ask is, would I let my kids do it? Would I be comfortable if someday they did this or wore that when they are old enough? If I can't feel good about it, I don't do it. Examples.....yes...
My friend Suzanne was going to Yale Medical school to get her Midwifery degree. I was and still am so proud of her for such a huge accomplishment. While she was there she sent me a t-shirt that said "Yale Midwifery at your Cervix". I LOVE that shirt. I showed Shae and asked if he thought it would be a big deal for me to wear it. His only response was, only if you aren't comfortable explaining to your kids what a cervix is. Well, that just seemed silly, of course I was comfortable explaining what a cervix is. Every single one of us on earth had to go through one to get here. There is no shame in that. So I wore and wear my Yale t-shirt with pride. I will probably pass it down to Elise. She fits into all my clothes now anyway.
My next example has to do with my belly button peircing. I will save the entire long saga for another time, but I will say in short that I have always wanted to do it. Ever since I was eighteen. I have gone back and forth over the years about getting it done and this years I decided was the time. Once again I asked Shae what he thought and he replied with the same answer we always give each other,"Would you let the girls get theirs pierced?" Yes, I said I would. When they are old enough if that is what they want to do, by all means. So I went and did it. The kids each have a different opinion about it. All three are deathly afraid of needles, like their Dad. So just the fact that a needle was involved makes them ill. Elise thinks is it pretty cool, but NEVER wants to do that, we'll see. Cora just thinks it is weird and I am weird, but that is her general thought about me anyway. Adelle, thinks it is pretty and will most likely be the one that wants to get it done.
When it comes to making decisions and doing things for a family, it is really important to remember that each mother/father/guardian is doing their very best and making the best decisions they can. We have to at least try and believe this before we get on our high horses about what we think is best for everyone else and their children. True, there are some of you that will say, no, not everyone is doing their best, and maybe your right, maybe their not. But I say, in that case, be good and kind and loving. Don't judge them, love them and their children. This is always easier said than done, but try.
Finally...we are all perfect parents, until we become parents. This goes back to judging what we don't understand. Until people have children they are responsible for rearing and raising up, they don't fully comprehend what it means to be that responsible for another human being. This doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them, it just means they need to be easier on those of us that aren't perfect. We are working on it, and some day they may just be as imperfect as we are, so please be patient.
And that folks is my two cents. It is not gospel truth and I don't even believe most people reading this will agree with what I said. I feel like it is cathartic and good for me to have a place to share my thoughts, and put it out there in the world. We are all different, but hopefully all working towards a greater good, by starting with bettering ourselves. I know that is what I am trying to do.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
4000 miles driven to, from and around Utah this year.
250 pictures I took to remember everyone and everything we did.
100 songs we listened to on the road trip cds I made to play when there was no radio reception. (We listened to them alot!!)
50 bathroom stops, give or take ten.
13 years of marriage. Shae and I celebrated our anniversary.
7 states we passed in and out of for the trip.
2 lakes and many swimming pools we swam in.
1 year to recover before I can even comprehend doing it all again.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The problem is there has been so much on my mind it is hard to pull one thought out and put it down. I have finished my college semester and the girls are finally done with school for the summer. I am very much bragging in saying that we all, including me, got straight A's. I will pause here while you applaud our awesomeness..................................
Summer has officially started and so have our visits to the pool as well our planning and carrying out of the yearly pilgrimage to Utah. The almost 24 hour drive is about to commence. I will pause again while you all groan on our behalf............................... But truly the drive isn't terrible and it is good for our families to see us.
It really hasn't seemed necissary to mention that we have listed our house for sale. Mainly because if we sell we will just be moving in our area. Shae still has his same job, we are just looking to relocate to a better school district. If the house doesn't sell, we will make do. But the process of getting the house ready, especially before we leave for vacation has been a bit or an ordeal which has included dealing with a horrible man, the painter. He is horrible for many reasons, not only that he has done a bad job, but because he has been awful to me due to the fact that I am FEMALE. Yes, he and Shae seem to do fine. Sadly though because he is here during the day, he has me to deal with. Neither one of us are happy, and I will be reporting him to the BBB.
Also I may be having a mid life crisis. But because I am not yet in my midlife I am just saying an early 30's crisis, or rebellion or whatever you want to call it. I went and bought my first bikini this summer. I have NEVER owned or worn one. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but it is done, and because I was so happy about it, I went and pierced my belly button as well. I have always wanted too, so I did it. I figure now, I will most likely go to Hell, but I was already planning on it. I mean I bought my hand basket a long time ago. It was just a matter of assuring my spot there. Hee hee. (For anyone who is wondering, yes, Shae approves and thinks it is hot and yes, he is very supportive, not that it would have changed what I did much if he wasn't)
The kids are ever growing and getting smarter and always the loves of my life. Yesterday while the beautician was washing my hair Adelle was standing right at the sink. The beautician commented about what a good helper Adelle was, and I affirmed that yes, she is a wonderful helper and such a good cuddler as well. Adelle said "That is why we are Best Friends." My heart melted. My five year old thinks of me as her best friend. My heart soars that I am so loved.
Elise and Cora love me too, but a little less obviously. They are so dedicated and hard working. Both of them had their piano recital, the last one with our current piano teacher. She is leaving us and going off to college. How dare she? And they have the most amazing discussions with each other. I marvel at the ideas they have and how much they think about.
Shae is....well I'll just say it HOT!! I have always thought my husband was a good looking handsome man, but over the last year he has been working out. He has lost 35 pounds and has been lifting wieghts. He looks amazing. He is of couse still the loving and supporting man he always was and now he is all musclely and cut. I really like when he takes his shirt off ;). But maybe that is Too Much Information.
So for today that is about all. I have had writers block for about a month. But I am hoping that I will get back into the swing of things and post more blogs. I am going on vacation soon, but maybe I will find inspiration to write about while I am gone. Watch out all you out there in Utah, I will be watching, and writing Hee hee hee!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
I can't say that I am the most successful mother ever, because the wonderful morning and lavish spoiling I recieved isn't because I taught them to do that. I guess my kids feel the need to avoid a year of misery, because we all know I would complain until next mother's day if they hadn't treated me like a queen.
I awoke this morning to the smell of french toast. I was then escorted out to the dining table in an eye mask where I was seated at my beautiful table setting. My sweet girls had worked making french toast and even cleaning the kitchen after wards. Over the years my breakfast has become more involved. We have gone from cold cereal and toast to eggs and french toast. I haven't been the best at teaching my girls to cook but then can sure bake some good treats.
Shae got a ring for me that are three silver bands intertwined with the three girls names on them. I am so excited that Shae got this. I told him a few months back that I would love this ring and he remembered and got it for me.
I had a day full of relaxing and enjoying being spoiled. Thanks Shae, Elise Cora and Adelle. Love You!!
On one down note, I feel like a bit of a jerk about my own mothers and mother-in-laws presents. I purchased and sent their gifts back on April 30th and when we talked to our mothers today they hadn't received their gifts. I can't do anything about tracking them down today, but I felt bad they didn't get what we sent to them. At least we called to say we loved them and tell them thank you for being our mothers.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
It was a fabulous day!! It was Easter and we spent time as a family, ate and relaxed!! The morning started with the girls finding the eggs and baskets. Then a breakfast of cinnamon rolls (yum!). After spending the better part of the day relaxing and then cooking lunch we finally ate at 3pm. I was very proud of myself. It has been a while since I have had to make a full holiday meal. We have spent almost all of our holiday's at Grandma's house over the years. I have basically been the "assistant" in the kitchen. So on my own I managed to make ham, homemade scalloped potatoes (a huge accomplishment for me, because they weren't out of a box), green bean casserole, hard boiled eggs, and biscuits. After our tummy's were full and the kitchen was clean we did my favorite Easter activity, the "Resurrection Eggs". These are twelve plastic eggs filled with things about Christ's last days and resurrection. It is always a good activity for the kids to understand the holiday and why we celebrate it. I want so much for them to remember the importance of being like Jesus - kind, loving and good. I hope that today was a good reminder of that. I know it was good for me.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Today I decided was time to stuff the Easter eggs. I first had to figure out how to get into the attic where said eggs are put away until needed. Our garage is in complete disarray because of the supposed bathroom we are having put in. This entails the attic ladder no longer being in place so I had to locate a ladder to use to climb up there. Once in the attic I found the eggs, but then managed to hit my head on the beams. They are low and it is pretty dark up there. I got the eggs down without falling off the ladder and took them with me to my rehearsal tonight to have college students help fill. We made quick work of filling 120 eggs a job that would usually take me about an hour and a half. I was so pleased to have this job done. I then went into the basement where I hid the prefilled baskets I had purchased last year on sale 85% off. I normally never buy prefilled baskets because the prices are so ridiculous that I know I could fill baskets for so much less and have much more in them. This not being the case at 85% off I got them, hid them and then waited to get them out until now. I did forget however that I had also bought pre-filled eggs with candy that would last through to this year. Also on insane sale at about 25 cents a bag for 20 filled eggs per bag. I realized I had purchased 120 eggs. So now I have a total of almost 250 eggs all of which I will most certainly not use. But the fact that I climbed into the attic, bumped my head and filled all those eggs to find that I didn't need to was a bit well, upsetting, but not to the point of angering, just bothersome. We have so many eggs now, that I am trying to figure out how to rid myself of all these candy filled eggs. My thought is give some to Adelle's school for their party, some to the church activity, and some to the neighbors having a hunt. That should take the eggs back down to a manageable number. I mean the first 120 were going to help with all that so everyone gets extra eggs this year. Hooray for me being prepared and getting good sales, now I just need to remember when I do, to avoid this situation next year.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
It seems that lots of stuff is going around right now, by stuff I mean sicknesses. I had felt so fortunate that we had managed to get through the winter season with a few colds and one round of strep throat. Then Wednesday came. I had been home for a little over 24 hours from my trip to the wedding. It started with Adelle having some goopey eyes and a really runny nose and fever, then Cora woke up and threw up all night long. I was exhausted. After a trip to the doctor for Adelle's eyes everyone seemed to be on the mend until this morning (Saturday). Elise got up doing a repeat performance of Cora's experience a few nights before than Adelle took her turn and I got mine as well. We all managed to get this virus by today. YUCK We are all tired and worn out, but hopefully we will have a relaxing spring break with no more illness. We need to get out and enjoy the sunshine.A memorable tidbit this week, besides all the yacking was something Cora said to me after being so sick and not able to keep anything down; "Mom, if I don't eat or drink for three days, I can die." After laughing, and then feeling bad about laughing at my poor, worried, sick child I assured her that as her Mom it was my job to make sure she doesn't die. And, here we are all alive, somewhat sick, but no one is expiring from dehydration. I am making sure of that.