some weird cult initiation

I have been making good progress in healing from my surgery. That is great news, right. Except that I still have to wear skirts for two more weeks, but the silver lining is that the weather here is finally over 30 degrees. Just the fact that it is double digits brings great warmth to my hiney.

But, while my surgical site has been feeling better, I noticed my ear was really starting to hurt. I have been trying to ignore it for about a week, but today I finally gave in and went to my doctor. I haven't seen him in over a year, which is pretty funny to me considering all the other doctors I have seen. When I got there and visited with him about my ear, he checked in both ears, and said "there is nothing in there" ha ha! I knew that, I mean I am blond after all. Just kidding. He said "it looks all clear, so I was thinking based on the swelling in your jaw you have TMJ." "What is that?" I asked him. After showing me a diagram of my jaw and explaining that TMJ is short for some long name for the joint in my jaw I had a grasp of what he was talking about. Basically that joint in my jaw is swollen, like joints in knees and elbows can get swollen. If I understood right it is because of chewing gum, or grinding my teeth at night. After he told me what was wrong with me he asked how things had been going due to my surgery, I told him pretty much fine except that I am still having to wear skirts. Well he told me that is good, what he wants me to do, is take and anti-inflammatory, also know in my language as ibuprofen, not chew gum (WHAT NOT CHEW GUM)!!, and continue wearing skirts until I am completely healed.

I am devastated... okay, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration, but NOT CHEW GUM?! How am I going to live, I live on gum. I LOVE GUM! and most likely this is why I have the whole TMJ thing. Okay I may be a little bit over reacting because he said about four weeks of not chewing gum, but that is like a life time in my world. Why is gum so important to me? Well, for many reasons but the main one being my fear of assaulting people with bad breath. I have good dental hygiene but I am always in fear of being one of the people that is standing there talking to you and you are desperately trying to hold your breath because mine in your face is about to make you pass out. I went directly to the gas station after my appointment and bought some mints. I know, yet another of my very rational well thought out issues, but seriously, that is why it is an issue, because it makes no sense to anyone but me.

So, if you run into me in the near future, yes, I am cold, because I am wearing a skirt in the middle of winter, with nothing to keep my bum warm but the material of the skirt over it, and I am sorry if my breath stinks, I did brush my teeth, but I can't chew any gum.
I did say to the doctor after being given orders to wear a skirt and not chew gum, "Are you sure this isn't some initiation for some weird new cult? I feel like I could be converting."