Loss

A few posts back I talked about my sweet friend Christin and the struggles that she, her family and little Gracie have faced over the last year and a half. Gracie passed away this past Monday morning. After visiting with Christin over the last few days, and talking with her I feel like I can write this post and hopefully get my feelings across without being hurtful or disrespectful of their family and privacy. I did discuss with Christin that I would like to say something here, but only if it was okay with her, as I know their family is very private and I wouldn't want to comprise their love and trust in any way. She encouraged me to write here and so I will. It has been very difficult to come up with how to write on my blog what has been in my heart for the past week. I know that I can in no way understand how Christin is feeling. I also don't want to say things that are thoughtless and hurtful as I have been witness first hand to people who have done this to her. But at the same time, I also have many things rolling around in my head that I would like to put down here, so if after this long introduction you will please indulge me and understand that this all just me and my thoughts I would appreciate it.

"I believe that Gracie is in Heaven." This is what I told my own sweet girls on Monday afternoon, after we broke the sad news to them. I feel like I had already mourned Gracie and Christin's families loss for a few days before this happened. I had been by a few days earlier and it seemed like the end was near, and after hugging Christin and her sobbing into my shoulder, I went home and for the entire rest of the day felt the heaviness of what was coming. I was sad,but by now I felt some healing in my heart. But, after telling my own children about their friend, my heart broke wide open again. There is no good explanation why this happened and why Gracie. The only thing is bad things happen. That is not easy to hear or say, but it is how it is.

I have come to understand the importance of how different we all are and how we each experience loss in our own way. My girls have all had different reactions and I have tried to patiently love them and help them through their grief. Elise, has been quiet and tears seem to continually escape her eyes. I can tell she is trying to be strong for me, but her heart is hurting. Cora, can't sleep. Up until today every ten minutes or so she would burst into sobs and would just need love and patience until she cried it out. Adelle, initially cried very hard, but after asking many questions and continuing to ask everything that comes to her mind, she seems to be feeling okay.

Today, I finally feel like I can write about this without sitting here sobbing about the loss and hurt everyone feels. But the thing is that Gracie is no longer suffering. Her little body had taken quite a bit over the last while and I believe she is in peace. After seeing Christin and their family, I believe they are feeling peace also. C

Because Christin is such a wonderful friend and has always loved my kids as much as I do, she suggested we meet today before she went to an appointment. This way my girls were able to see that she is smiling, she is okay and so they can be too. I love her so much. She is having a most difficult trial and she is still willing to help me with my kids as they suffer too. I feel continually loved to have so many wonderful people in my life.

Though there is loss, there is always love and I have felt that more than ever this week. Love for my friend and her family, love for my husband and his strong shoulders that support me, love for my own sweet angel girls who need me as much as I need them. I am sad that Gracie is no longer here, but I love her and am grateful to have known her.