Time to Reflect

Summer has flown by. Is it a case of getting older that time seems to go by so fast that I barely have time to look back on anything? It feels like May was just here, I had graduated from college, finally, and was looking all summer to “relax” and get a grasp on the idea of joining the work force. Time for “relaxing” ha! We went on summer vacation to Utah for two weeks and the rest of the summer flew by. I got a job working as an Administrative Assistant as soon as we got home from Utah and between summer activities with the kids, my job, fun with friends, company visiting us and an awesome visit to California I can’t believe that school starts again for my girls in less than a week.

I want to reflect on this summer a little bit but first… for me reflection requires some back story. All of you who know me know that I have to tell a story to get to my point. So, for those of you interested in the end just skip to the last paragraph or two. I can’t promise it will make sense but you will save some time.

Three years ago, right about the time I went back to school full-time for my Bachelor’s Degree, I went through what many church attenders would call a “crisis of faith” or a name I like even better “Dark Night of the Soul”. When I look at my faith honestly, even now I can’t say that I have reached the other side of my “crisis”. My faith is not and never will be the same as it once was. I do feel like the “Dark Night” has lifted a bit.

Through this time I have had amazing outlets to which I have turned for insight, help, love and understanding. First and most amazing has been my husband Shae. Without his constancy, patience, love and help I would have probably gone a bit “off the deep end” as he phrased it. Next I had the Mormon Stories podcasts and papershttp://mormonstories.org/ in particular this one article was very helpful http://staylds.com/docs/HowToStay.htmlOf course, I had my brilliant and amazing friends. They were my community of love and listening while I was steeped in my “Dark Night”. I would be a bit remiss if I didn’t acknowledge them by name and thank them even though inevitably there will be someone I forget to mention here: Martie and Ken Clark (lawyer/BFF and running partner listener extraordinaire), Rachel Williams (my sister by blood and soul), Kirsty Sayer (giver of true understanding and no judgment), Katy Smith (friend, confidante), Diane Johnson (mothering and guiding force), Jenni Passig (sounding board, kind heart), Erin and Matt Lingard (empathy and love all abounding), DeAnna Massey (amazing, there are not enough good words to describe her and what her friendship has meant), Alicia and Mike Black (support and friendship from the far away east coast), the Mormon Stories community (a place where I have found many more Mormons like myself and feel like I can truly be myself). For those I forgot to mention by name I am sorry, but I am forever grateful for all the love I have had in my life from so many wonderful people especially during the last few years.

That is the shortened back story and now on to reflections of this summer. As I said for me summer started when I graduated from Lindenwood University with my Bachelor’s degree in Music and Theater studies. There were so many loved ones that came for my graduation and party that it was amazing to me to feel the outpouring of love and understanding for the time and effort it took to finish my degree while raising my three girls.

We go to Utah every summer to visit our extended families. This year was no exception and the planning was in the works when I learned that one of my favorite Mormon authors, Carol Lynn Pearson,http://www.clpearson.com/ was going to speak at the Salt Lake City Mormon Stories Conference. I decided to take the girls on the two day drive to Utah in the first of June by myself a week earlier than we had planned to be there so I could go to the conference and have a little extra time to spend with my brother and his family. (Shae flew out shortly after to go with me to the conference). Our visit was wonderful. It was worth every minute driving out early to go to the conference and listen to many Mormon’s like myself share their thoughts, ideas and feelings about their Mormon Heritage and identity. If you click on the Mormon stories link you can see I even got the nerve to get up and share some of my feelings during their open share time. The link is here and if you fast forward to 36:40min. you will see and hear me. http://mormonstories.org/?p=1746 I told the people running the San Diego, California conference that I would love to speak if they had need of me. It turns out they did and so I went and spoke later in July. (I will have to blog about that another day, hopefully when the link is up for you to watch my talk).

No sooner had we gotten home from our amazing trip toward the end of June to visit all our family when I had a job interview. I was hired and started working the very next week. It has been a great job. I mean it when I say I LOVE IT!!
It was very fulfilling to be able to share my Mormon Story at the San Diego Conference. I feel like things had finally come full circle. I feel comfortable in my own skin and in my own faith journey. I believe that regardless of what other people think or feel about me and my decisions during, in, and through my “faith crisis” I will ultimately be fine.

To finish summer off with an amazing BANG (besides the 4th of July when we lit off tons of fireworks with our friends the Clarks and Bennetts) we had Thanksgiving in July at Ken and Martie Clark’s house. What is that you ask? We eat and eat and eat all the amazing Thanksgiving food in July with a huge group of our loved ones. It was awesome.

Now the countdown is on for school to start, and that count is six days from now my kids will be getting up and taking the bus to school for their 2nd, 5th and 9th grade years. Next thing I know I will be reflecting on the school year next summer. Seriously, how do we account for all the time that seems to fly by?